My Heart

Muhammad Rafael Faliq was born on the 8^th July 2008, 6.41am. He was weight 3.5kg and his height was 51cm. I couldn’t describe how I felt when I first held him in my arms. That morning it rained and I knew it was “Hujan Rahmat” and it was to welcome my Baby! Fairuz was so happy he still can’t believe that he’s a father to a very handsome baby! He recite the ‘Azan’ and tears of Joy run down his eyes. We were the happiest parent ever.

That morning mummy, Gja, & Kelly was there. They were so happy and just can’t believe that Rafael was such a handsome baby; of course...take a look at his parents…hehhehe...Daddy came with Mama later in the afternoon. They were surprised too that Rafael was so fair… everyone was happy and held him and kissed him. He just did his role of being adorable… to my surprise Fairuz’s brother came. Both of them…they congratulate me and they were so happy to welcome their new nephew in their lives.

I was discharge from the hospital the next day. Geeja, Fidos (Fairuz’s Brother) & Fairuz drove us to Mummy’s. Rafael was ok and all my other siblings were so happy. His bed was all ready for him. Few first night was a shocked for me… but its all worth it… the third day I realize that my Rafael was a bit yellow…we took him back to the hospital. And that was the first time I saw my baby screamed when they took his blood for his blood test… I cried and hug him tightly as the docs inserted the stupid needle. Poor baby!! Luckily the bilirubin level in the blood was still very low…I was so worried at first and relieved then. At home mum bathes him with the herbs we got from the Traditional Chinese Shop. We also took him out in the mornings. A week later he was ok… some friends of mine and Fairuz came. Mak, Abg Amirul & Family came. Rafael received a lot of presents.

On a one fine day, Rafael temperature was a bit warm. My heart says that something is just not right. We went back to University Hospital for a check-up. My baby was having a fever. They gave him some medication and told me that it was normal for a baby to have a fever. I was not really satisfied with the explanations. The next day, Rafael was still having high fever. As I watch him sleeping my heart just tells me that he is not ok, I held him and tried to wake him up but he didn’t respond to anything. I screamed and quickly took the car keys and drove the car to Dr Altaf Specialist Clinic. He woke up as we arrived at the clinic. Dr Altaf examines my Rafael and confirmed that my Rafael’s temperature was quite high. He also discovers that Rafael’s heart had a murmur but didn’t confirm the situation. He called up the cardiologist and referred Rafael to do an echo. We went back home and I broke down to tears. I called Fairuz and as he arrived we headed straight to Pantai Medical Centre. I held my son and prayed that what Dr Altaf said was not true…My baby is fine. He is healthy…there’s nothing wrong with him!! Mum heard the news and she took off from the office and waited for us at the hospital. We met the pediatrician and also a cardiologist Dr Azam. Dr Altaf has already brief him about Rafael’s condition and he did an ultrasound test and the echo. My heart broke into pieces as he confirms that my Baby Rafael is diagnosed with Ventricular Septal Defect (VSD).Which is the septum is a wall that separates the heart's left and right sides. Septal defects are sometimes called a "hole" in the heart. A defect between the heart's two lower chambers (the ventricles) is called a ventricular septal defect (VSD).

When there is a large opening between the ventricles, a large amount of oxygen-rich (red) blood from the heart's left side is forced through the defect into the right side. Then it's pumped back to the lungs, even though it's already been refreshed with oxygen. This is inefficient, because already-oxygenated blood displaces blood that needs oxygen. This means the heart, which must pump more blood, may enlarge from the added work. High blood pressure may occur in the lungs' blood vessels because more blood is there. Over time, this increased pulmonary hypertension may permanently damage the blood vessel walls. If the opening between the ventricles is small, it doesn't strain the heart. In that case, the only abnormal finding is a loud murmur.

Rafael was admitted due to his high fever. I couldn’t help myself from crying. How it hurts me when I see my beloved son’s small little hands being inserted with a needle. They did a lot of test and he was on antibiotics and other medications. He was hospitalized for a week. Rafael got better and ready to come home. The Dr Azam advises that we’ll have to arrange for follow-ups for his heart condition and starts him with medication to prevent of getting water retentions and heart failure.

He was discharge a week later and we’re back at mums. We moved back to our house in Flora Damansara. A week later, Rafael was coughing, until one night it got worse. We rushed to the hospital again. Dr Azam did the check-up and Rafael has to be admitted to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). From that moment I just can’t help myself anymore. How can God test me like this, a lot of question was in my mind. I cried and cried throughout the times he was in the NICU. I prayed everyday for my precious baby to recover from this disease. He was diagnosed with Acute Bronchitis. Again all the needles and wires were all over my son. The worse part was I am not allowed to sleep over at the hospital. I was so stressed out and all i did was prayed to Allah for my beloved son's health. I'm always at the hospital early in the morning till late nights. Rafael was on the nebulizer every two hours and they also had to perform suction to clear his throat and lungs from flams every two hours. Rafael my son was a strong boy. A week in NICU he just keeps getting better and better. The nurses just fell in love with his smiles. As his condition gets better he was transffered to the normal ward. He still continued with the nebulizer and did the suction only when its necessary. Few days in the ward, he is back to normal and ready to come home. He only needs to continue with all his medication and follow-up with Dr Azam. I was very much relieved and happy. We came back home and take extra precautions for him not to get sick again. Till today, Alhamdullilah his been healthy and as for his heart condition, we still need to do monthly follow -ups with Dr Azam. He has never been better. My prayers are always for my one and most beloved son Muhammad Rafael Faliq.

The New Beginning

Time passes by..a new chapter has begun..now I'm officially a wife..at first i thought it was easy ..but getting used to being a wife is not as easy as it seems..now i have new responsibilities..cleaning

the house..pay the bills..cook..sigh! do the laundry..ironing..lots!!!! more!!! but it was fun..sometimes..hahaha..sometimes you're just so tired..you just want to be by yourself..but there's no chance for it to happen..but I've learned that communication with your partner is VERY important! All you have to do is tell...there's nothing to be afraid of..its for our own good! rite?! We had our fights..but we manage to work things out..

Six months later..i was pregnant..it was the best day ever when i first tested positive..Fairuz was the happiest person ever..told the news to Mum and Gja...and they were soooo excited! They came to congratulate me..the next day i when for the check up and did the ultrasound..my baby was still very tiny and was about 2 weeks...no wonder i was having very bad stomachache..hahaha..first 3 months was very bad..my morning sickness struck not only in the morning but stretches out till midnight!! Eiu! i can still remember how i hate the smell of Apples..!! Yuks! I can't even stand the smell of my own house..we had to stay at Mummy's for a while..i had to take off from work..My employers was not very cooperative..they called me up and told me that they are transferring me to some other dept that i was not interested in..so i decided to quit! i was back to normal after the first trimester..i ate a lot and gained weight.. can you imagine..from 42kg i gained to 60kg?? and i was only 4months pregnant! hahaha!! i enjoyed my food..i didnt crave for weird stuff..but i craved for expensive foods..hehehe..lucky for me dad brought me to the places i wanted to eat..but there was one time i really wanted to have 'ICED JELLY' and i only want the one in JB!! hahaha!! somehow Fairuz had to go to JB for an event that his company was doing...And i managed to follow and stayed at Azra's..she had bring me to get my ICED JELLY...thats when azra told me that she's late for her menses!! she already bought the tester but was scared to test it..so i forced he to do the test..and guess what!??? SHE'S PREGNANT!!!! yeAHhh!! i was so happy for her...we celebrated the excitement! Stayed there for 2 days and came back to KL..The pregnancy was fun..sometimes i'm worried that would i be a good mother?? can i go through the labor pain..everything!! I was very sensitive..but i love to go window shopping..fairuz was a bit busy..he had to work for me and prepare for the newcomer..mum thought my baby was a girl and she even bought a cute little shirt and hot pants! but we did th ultrasound again and the doctor confirm it was a BOY!! Yeah! we started shopping for him..we bought his crib,pushchair and etc. Mum bought the toiletries and so many more..dad gave cash for me to prepare all the important stuff for the baby and myself too..they were very excited!!

8th July 2008, 10.45pm as i was going to the bathroom my waterbag bursT!! Everybody panicked..it was so funny..especially my Fairuz..hehe..i was rushed to hospital..i didnt feel any contraction..as we arrive at the hospital..they put me in the labor room and i need to be induced..i was in labor for only 6 hours..the doctors was surprised that the baby wanted to come out early..it was normal delivery..i didnt take any painkiller. and i manage to give birth without epidural.. at exacly 6.41am Muhammad Rafael Faliq was born.

Muhammad Rafael Faliq B. Muhammad Fairuz

A Wonderful Life

Everything changed when i met the love of my life..how we met was unplanned and funny..i was accompanying my buddies Tini & Yat for a job interview and decided to fill in the form too..we were hired..and what a small world it is..the person who interviewed me was mummy's friend..Kamal..somehow..something didnt worked out well..and he decided to take me n my buddies for dinner..we agreed..he came to pick us up with his friend Muhammad Fairuz Razak and again what a small world it is..his friend was a friend of my friend..but we've never hang out together or even talk to each other..we had dinner in Hartamas..n went to Nouvo..Thats when me and Fairuz get to know each other and exchange nos..The relationship grew and we fell in love with each other..we meet up almost everyday..our friends was shock when they found out that we;re together..

Everything was soo great..and after 5 years in relationship..we've decided to get married..never in my mind i would imagine that i would go thru this nightmare..it was too painful for me to tell..its better to keep it to myself..not too long after the 'nightmare' we're married..the wedding was beautiful..dad did the ijab kabul and mum organized the reception..its not an ordinary traditional wedding..it her very own idea and concept..it was beautiful..BEBE did the hantaran from Fairuz to me..and it was So GRAND!! Mama did my hantaran and its was AWESOME!! I loved it!! The wedding was simple yet its so memorable!

Few month later, another nightmare hit me as i received the news about my Daddy had a heart attack right after i left his house..i nearly fainted and couldnt accept it! i broke down and rushed to the hospital!! that night he was stabil and had to be transferred to HUKM for futher treatment..i stayed up all night just to be sure that he'll be ok..came back the next morning..again i broke down to tears as i saw my Father was in so much pain..n the doctors didnt do anything about it!! After all the complaints we did..the doctor came and took him for a test and he was transferred to ICU..he went through a other test and explained to us about his condition. I felt like my heart stop as the docs said that there is no cure for him..as long as he keeps his blood pressure stabil and stay healthy. i took turns to keep him company..nothing is more important to me other than my family..i'm not ready to loose him now..

At same time Feezah's wedding was planned earlier..the family wanted to postpone the wedding until daddy recovers..but..it is his wish to make sure feezah gets married..we did a simple wedding for her..attended by close family members..daddy watch from a video call which we arranged..the wedding went well happy but a bit sad cause the most important person is not around..Daddy! But the reception was done on Kamarul's Side..Feezah was beautiful and i'm so happy for her! She's been supportive to me in many ways..she understands me and has always been there for me..i can never be apart from her..and now we're happily married and she's my neighbour..hehehe!

An Exciting Adventure

Its been a while since i started writing again..the last time i remembered when i was in form 3..oh my..i'm OLD!! muahahahah!!! writing is the only way for us to express out feelings and share all the experience with others..here it goes....

Nuraainaa Diyana Bt Mohd Salleh

My First Burday!

My First Bike

I was born on August 9th 1982..Shahidah Mohd Hashim..my beloved mother, Mohd Salleh Zainal Abidin my wonderful father..they have been great parents to me..all through the time and year i've gone thru would never be a success if its not because of them..i'm so thankfull to Allah s.w.t to be born as their child..they've also gave me 2 beautiful sisters and a handsome brother Nurhafeezah Diyana,Nurkhaleilah Diyana & Mohd Firdaus Hafiz...they've filled my life with joy and excitement..My childhood was filled with fun fun fun..

Macho Dad

My Mummy

As time goes by..life has been so nice and wonderfull till the day my wonderful parents got divorced..at first i didnt know what it means but..arwah 'nenek' explained to me..for the first few days i was had no idea what it feels like about parents getting divorce..as i grew up..few years later i began to feel the impact of the fact that my parents being separated..not for a while but FOREVER!! i broke down and i cant face the fact that i have to deal with what has been written...i was hating them for what they have done..i became rebellious and angry..i ran away from home..got distractted at school and only GOD knows what i felt at that time..it took some time for me to accept all the changes about being away from my father and comforting my siblings and my mother..Daddy was everything..he gave us shelter and food and all the necessities..mummy provide us with all the love and support that we've needed..i was confused and had a hard time getting used to it..but being the eldest..i have to be strong and always think positive for the best of my other siblings..

Daddy's Angel

My One and Only Brother

Just as i was started to feel the comfort of the whole new situation..another test was given to me..that is to accept a new person in my life that is A STEPFATHER & A STEPMOTHER..at first i tried to accept it but nothing can ever replace your very own parents..no one!! When mummy told me she was getting married..i didnt agreed but who am i to tell whats best for her..when she decides to remarried i have no say to it then to welcome the new person in the family ..at the same time i also have to accept the new STEPMOTHER..at that time i knew there is no chance of my parents to be together again..accepting new people in the family wasnt easy for us even until today...we had to take care of each others heart and feelings..but somehow i wonder do they ever think of our feelings?? we had to organize our time for mummy and daddy equally..and believe me untill today we're just bad in that...cause life is short..we just want to spend all of our time with the one we love...But thru the years i've gone thru so many ups n downs..arguing with mummy and daddy..fighting..being away without calling..everything..at the end of the day everything will still remain the same..untill i was in form 5 i began to accept everything...



After school life was hectic..all i can think of was enjoying myself with friends..and lucky for me..i had good friend that took good care of me..love life..hahahaha..so many boyfriends!! Some end up with a bad fight some became friends till today..when thru a lot...tried so many new stuff..when to clubs..smoked cigarettes..weed ( twice only)..sneeked out daddy's car..when for parties..enjoyed everything..but i just cant understand kids nowdays..they are so different..i had all the fun during those days without hurting my parents badly..i know i do sometimes..but not as bad as they are now..sigh! Those days when i have plans at night..i'll make sure mummy knows with who i go out with and always updated..i also clean the house in the morning and make sure she;s happy and gives me the permission to go out..hahahha..bodek! but it works!! I just have to know my limits and never takes advantage of it..of course sometime i do..hihi..sorry ma! there was one time i had a fight with daddy..that was the first time i pushed him..it was my fault anyway..i drove the BMW without his permission..he throw away my very first handphone! hahaha..I regret it by doing that to him until today and i can never forgive myself..I"M SO SORRY DAD!! Guess i wasnt thinking at that moment..silly me! I love cars..fast cars..i fell in love with that car..the BMW..but dad sold the car..tak de rezqi..i know one day i'll get to own my dream car..My friends was into cars too..most of my friends are guys..my girlfriends are just Tinie & yati..during weekend we would gather and hang out together..it was fun then..got my driving licence..yeah!! the best day ever!! Went to college but didnt complete..took architecture course but i found out..it wasnt for me..continued studies in Olympia Business College..studied Secretarial course..met new friends..didnt finished the course either!! hehe..influenced by friends and i guess i'm not interested in studying..but had the basic..and a fast learner..
At this time of the year..its all about fun..i didnt work..but it was tough..but i've never blame it on anyone..i choose to be that way..